Have you ever noticed that pastors always have certain types of profile pics? I’ve got quite a few pastor friends, and I can pretty much sort most of their profile pics into a few categories. If this were a Buzzfeed quiz, it’d probably be something like, “Choose a Disney Princess and I’ll tell you what kind of profile pic you have” or something ridiculous like that. But since it’s not a Buzzfeed quiz, I’ll just put out my own observations from over the years. Maybe you’ve noticed it too, or maybe not. Either way, perhaps now you’ll start randomly noting how many of your pastor friends’ pics fall into these categories:
The I-Love-My-Family Pastor: Ahhh, who doesn’t love a pastor who so obviously loves their family? Not that other pastors don’t, but this one especially does, and wants you to see what a beautiful family they have. Look how cute the kids are! Look how gorgeous/handsome my spouse is! Look how we are such a loving family! Look at us jump! Look at us throw leaves together! Sometimes it’s just certain members of the family. Just the kids. Or just a photo with the spouse cuddling. Or their wedding photo. Also something to note – most missionary families I know sport one of these profile pics significantly more than any of the other categories.
The Look-At-Me-In-Action Pastor: Mic on their head or in their hand. In the process of speaking. Behind a pulpit or on a stage, writing or pointing to a whiteboard as they teach, maybe even with important Biblical phrases showing on the screen behind them. You know, THAT kind of pic. It tells everyone that they look so cool in action, and they’re probably speaking in front of a somewhat large crowd. They maybe have just a tiny bit of reputation within in the Christian circle, or have been invited to be a guest speaker somewhere once. The range of audience could be big, but the point isn’t how many they’ve actually spoken at or how many people were there. It’s so YOU know that they are such dynamic speakers/preachers, so much so that you automatically find your next retreat speaker just by looking at their profile pic.
The I’m-So-Hip-And-Happenin’ Pastor: Someone call them and tell them the hipster movement is over…or is it? There are so many instances of this one appearing, I lose count. Just think of…pretty much all the young pastors (and some too-old-to-be-wearing-that pastors) in mega or hipster churches. I probably don’t even need to include a picture, and you’ll know exactly that profile I’m talking about. Think…fedora hats, beanies, tatted arms, flannel shirts, flannel shirts tied around the waist, jean shirts, jean jackets, solid black tops, solid white tops, trendy glasses (some without lenses), possibly a man-bun (would Jesus have a man-bun? huh. interesting), a beard/goatee/mustache, skinny jeans, leather jacket, and Apple everything…aren’t there starter packs for hipster pastors? I think I remember seeing that somewhere. Oh, and you best believe that there are female versions of this too. Also, there are varying types of hipster! There’s that typical description above, but recently I’ve also noticed that the new hip-happenin’ pastor grows their beard/hair out. Jesus-stylin’ it. or Thor-stylin’?
The I’m-Not-Afraid-To-Be-Silly Pastor: Ahh, look at me, I don’t take myself too seriously, so I post a goofy pic of me in a costume or a funny hat, or doing a funny pose. This kind of pastor usually just wants people to know how funny they are, so that when they suddenly become serious, you’ll know how serious they mean it. They’re usually easy to talk to because they can keep a situation light. But sometimes, and I mean just sometimes…they use a funny photo because they think it looks better than any normal headshot they have. Can’t find a good photo they like, so might as well use a funny one to get them likes clickin’, right?
The Just-Being-Me-Casual-Headshot Pastor: Most of the female pastors that I know usually have one of these kinds, if not a photo with their spouse. For sure the single women pastors/missionaries likely sport this type, which is great. Because whether male or female profile pic, this shows how down-to-earth and approachable you might be. The ones where you are looking at the camera are more personal. And then there are the kind where you hope they didn’t take end up taking of themselves (but let’s face it, we’ve seen people do it): the mid-laugh pics. The mid-coffee-sip pics. The mid-reading pics. The mid-smelling-flowers pics. The look-at-the-scenery-behind-me pics. The looking-off-into-the-distance pics.
The Professional-Church-Staff Pastor: If the JBMCH profile tends to lean female, then the PCS profile is mostly male. 87.3% of these pics have the pastor crossing their arms in the photo like “Hey, I am a serious pastor, but I am also a non-serious one – look at me crossing my arms so casually!” They want to seem approachable. On the off-chance that their arms are not crossed, and it’s just a sitting-slightly-turned portrait, there’s a 91% chance that they’re wearing a suit in the photo and likely come from a somewhat conservative church. They also want to seem approachable, but end up looking the opposite. But the fact remains – they are using church staff photos as their profile photo, which makes you wonder why. What kind of non-PCS photos are you hiding that can’t be used, PCS pastor, huh?
The Bible-Clutching Pastor: If all else fails, there is always the pastor who just super duper loves their Bible and wants you to know it. More than likely, they’re also showing what version they’re using. Maybe it’s the ESV. Maybe it’s NLT. Even more points if it’s some Bible in another language. Triple points if it’s in original Hebrew or Greek. Maybe they’re clutching onto it for dear life. Maybe they’re peeking out from behind it. Maybe it’s just opened to a certain page and passage they want you to take note of. Whatever it may be, they want you to know how much they love the Word and are rooted in it. So much so, it must make it into their profile pic. Their favourite thing to do aside from reading the Word is Jesus juke-ing people with it. They also want to make it obvious what their job is. No messin’ around, no guessing. I. AM. PASTOR.
There you have it. Seven of the most common types of profile pics of our beloved pastors/pastor friends. I double checked and typed in some pastors’ names on my FB just to see, and 9 out of 9 fell into these categories (I had to stop there or else it’s a rabbit hole I’ll never get out of).
And yes, I get that our non-pastor friends might also have profile pics like this, and that’s fine. But they also have a lot more variety. Whereas it just so happens that most of our pastors’ profile pics fall exactly into these categories. Ain’t no denyin’ it. That’s just how predictable we are.
Now, it’s time to go Facebook check.
the.sarcastic.missionary 